Crying Happiness

I cry a lot.
I must cry more than the average person.
It's something I've accepted about me, but I also think I can control it more than I believe sometimes.
What I realized after working in a stress-filled environment for years, was that crying is only appropriate at certain times. Easy to say...hard to practice.

When I'm tired, I could cry at virtually anything. I'll just close my eyes and tears start coming and I have no idea why. Crying is how I express how I'm feeling on the inside, which could be sad or happy.
It's a stress reliever for me, and doesn't automatically mean I am this weak person or can't handle things. It's one part of how I handle it.

Last Saturday I started crying. I was in a car, surrounded by some of my closest friends, and I realized just how blessed I am. God is making everything I ever desired come true. And He is doing it in a way I never imagined or timed.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."
I used to say that verse to myself over and over. I'm starting to live it now.

I wrote a song about Happy Tears. Still working on it, but this kind of explains my crazy week of getting fired and happiness:

            This Good
You scratch yourself in your sleep
But you don't know why
Your momma said it was their stress
But you don't want to give up the fight

Now you're sitting in the car with your best friends
Thinking, how did my life turn out this good
Everything I ever hoped, 
Turned out better than it should
So I'm crying happiness, crying happiness

You see yourself in the mirror
And tell yourself not to cry
Screaming, "You're not a failure!"
But you are dying inside

Now you're sitting in the car with your best friends
Thinking, how did my life turn out this good
Everything I ever hoped, 
Turned out better than it should
So I'm crying happiness, crying happiness

All you wanted was to hug him
As his number dialed on your phone
He took you out for drinks and was so sweet
Just the two of you alone

Now you're sitting in the car with your best friends
Thinking, how did my life turn out this good
Everything I ever hoped, 
Turned out better than it should
So I'm crying happiness, crying happiness

You realize you don't deserve him
As the stars above you shine
You've never seen anyone like him
And you're crying cause you're fine. 
Crying happiness, crying happiness
Crying happiness, oh, oh 

Now you're sitting in the car with your best friend
Thinking, how did my life turn out this good
Everything I ever hoped, 
Turned out better than it should
So I'm crying happiness, crying happiness

Like the Eagles

Lent is over.
We celebrated Easter yesterday, and it was an incredible, beautiful sunny day.
It was the sunniest Easter I have ever seen here. It almost always rains on Easter.
Yet, for some reason I was sad. Sad because some things in my life are fading away...
A wise, amazing woman in our church asked me how I was doing.
I said I was "adjusting to the changes in my life."
She reminded me that God is the Author of it all, that the changes are a good thing.
And it's true. So true.

Every time God takes something away from me, He fills it with something incomprehensibly better.
I know this, yet I still get sad.
   It's not a dark sadness though. It's more of a letting-go-of-things and mourning the good times I had.
There is a time to laugh and a time to cry. And I'm grateful for both things.
I don't ever stay sad for long. But that sadness, that learning to trust my God even more, for every little and big thing in my life, is a blessing in itself.

I'm not as scared as I was last year. I'm letting go much easier.
I can't wait to rise up "with wings like eagles."

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
²⁹ He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
³⁰ Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
³¹ But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
--Isaiah 40:28-31